i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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