Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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