You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
