I CAN MOONWALK!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
