No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
