He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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