why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
