if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
