it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
