and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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