Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
