Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you made out with another girl for some wings
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
