I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
