Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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