it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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