You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
