you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
