i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
