she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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