she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
