This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
