Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
