I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
