Pants 0. Shit 1.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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