you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
