Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize