I swear god or herbie drove my car home
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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