I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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