its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
