my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
