I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
