I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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