she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
