people are starting to question the shark bite story
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
