Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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