Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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