The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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