i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
