what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
