First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
