is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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