her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
