I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
