Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize