Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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