There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize