trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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