last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
