how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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