Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
