you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
