i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
