I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
