Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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