I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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