I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
