Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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