i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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