Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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