I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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