It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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