so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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