it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
