Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
