i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize