I want to make a zoo with you.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize