Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
