I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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