I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
