my vag is so smooth its legendary
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
