I accidentally had phone sex last night
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
