I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
