dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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