3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
