I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
