return my video game
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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