I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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