I showed him my bush... on skype.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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