I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
