He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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