i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
