can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
