I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
