get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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