were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
