Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
