listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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