The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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