his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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