allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
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