yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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