I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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