thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
