he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
