Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
