drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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