Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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