He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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