i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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