Don't make out with my wife yet
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
