I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
